Grief, remorse and the absence of closure.
Before I begin writing about this, let me assure you that I am fully aware of my lack of rights to write about this. My rights are limited simply because I am about to write about grief that is entitled to many other people instead of myself. And the reason I am not entitled to this grief is because I am not her mother, I am not her sister, I am not her closest female cousin, I am not her best friend and I am not even her classmate. But, I have to write about this. Even if I have to use many words to describe my lack of entitlement or involvement to this grief - I must. Because I am seeking for words or description that explains this sadness you feel many years after a friend, who is less than a best friend but way more than a friendly acquaintance has decided to take her own life with no explanation whatsoever. Don't get me wrong - it is not an explanation I am asking for or even some kind of closure that I am sure her family is yearning for. What I am looking for, or rather